As of December 1986, Mr. Filch of Hogwarts had never had a cat. In fact, he had never had a pet of any kind. So why Hagrid decided to give me to him as a Christmas present, I honestly have no idea. I mean, really. At the very least, he should have made sure the man was sanitary. I was the only one in the litter, and Hagrid had needed a home for me, since he could only charm Fang to hate eating cat for so long. But, whatever the reason, I ended up sitting in front of Argus Filch on December 24, at the age of six weeks.

“Aren’t you adorable?” the dirty man cooed. It is a common misconception that animals can not understand English. Of course we can. But that’s beside the point. I really didn’t enjoy people fawning over me. Of course I was beautiful; I knew that. But I didn’t like some human telling me that. Regardless, I decided to play it up. I rubbed up against his legs and purred.

“Are you a smart kitty?” he asked, crouching down beside me. I wanted to vomit. He was talking to me as if I was a cockroach. I considered biting him, but decided that wouldn’t be to my advantage. Instead, I hissed, and stiffened my tail.

“Ahh.” The man grinned. “You are a smart little cat.”

I brightened a bit. Perhaps this man wasn’t as bad as he had seemed. I leaned back on my back paws, and looked up at him which what I hoped was a calculating expression. Then, I saw a student pass by, without his tie on correctly. I decided to take a risk. I gave a plaintive meow, and nodded in the direction of the student in question.

Argus looked. “Hey, you, tuck your tie in!”

The boy looked startled, and fixed his tie at once.

The man seemed to look at me with new eyes. “Can you understand me?” he asked incredulously. This one seemed to be catching on sooner than most. I nodded my head. He gave an evil grin. I liked him more already. “Could you help me catch students who get out of bed, and that? You could come tell me. If you did that, I could give you treats, or whatever you’d like.”

I nodded my head again, and he grinned. This could a start of a very beautiful relationship indeed….